Monday, March 26, 2012

The unfolding of wings

So much happens here on Planet E. in such a seamless manner. Unfortunately I gave up journalling a few years ago, so the moment-to-moment revelations and integrations are out there as part of the sonic frequency background in deep space.

I am back at work at my regular schedule now.
The first two days just about had me on the mat, but gradually I am coming back into my own essential energy.
My pain is very mild now, and, often, non-existent.My gratitude is profound.

Life has been gifting me with so much that often comes in the form of great challenges with those I love, but listening to Tracy Chapman and running across this saying  below have really allowed the winter feathers to molt and I am feeling very in-the-breath-of-spring. (Even though it is already feeling like summer much of the time.)

"Dwell not upon the past. Use it to illustrate a point and leave it behind."

I wish I knew who to credit for this wisdom that is shining through me like western light through stained glass, but it was an anonymous repost on FaceBook.
The effect, though, is that I am finally standing in front of the mirror without wincing.
The inner life I call "mine" is kissing the nape of my neck.

I am still not being responsible with my time.
 The  methadone of FaceBook is a hard detox to begin, but begin I shall, as I am feeling the need to create and my time is spent being inspired (which definitely has its value!) rather than acting on that inspiration.

The reflection on the last visit with my plastic surgeon a week ago, has brought about an important realization cum decision: I am not doing any more surgical intervention.
We talked at length about the asymmetry of my breasts and what it would take to make it better, but I really don't want to wait 9- 12 months (my call, so that my immune system can really rebound after two big surgeries in six months) to then have the excess tissue under my armpit removed, wear a drain for a week, not work for another month.
Now that I am accepting that this is the visual representation of my body, that just seems like way too much for what ultimately will be seen only by me and any soul-and-body lover that may present himself.
I would rather spend that time actually doing things that feel nourishing rather than sleeping for most of my days for a while again.

I have even decided not to do the "minor" surgery of nipple reconstruction on the left (though the origami of creating nipple shape from the skin that is there is quite fascinating!) including the nipple tattoo.
I have a nice breast shape, though implants are temporal things and I will have to have replacements once or twice, depending upon my exit age, and, goodness gracious, I have a diagonal six inch scar there.
That would then be an arrow pointing to my nipple origami-and-tattoo??
That just makes me smile, it seems so silly.

The Adventure continues.
To quote Alfred Lord Tennyson: "It is not too late to seek a newer world."


SBloom said...

Skye - Your courage and knowledge of self continue to amaze me. I love that you get to a place of nuture and growth out of such disappointment and mess. You know you are surrounded by love.

d smith kaich jones said...

You really are amazingly courageous and I try to take your acceptance-of-what-is as a lesson in my own life. You be my guru in this, whether you know it or not.


mrs mediocrity said...

I have to say ditto to what Debi said. Each time I come here I am amazed by your grace, your attitude, your strength. And I take lessons from it as well.

Susan said...

This post is amazing. I'll be thinking about it all day ... trying to imagine what I'd do ... probably everything possible to be in my studio the maximum amount of time.

Anyway, I came by your blog to say:
THANK YOU for the comment on my blog post announcing my Decision Portrait Series going to Houston. I am so excited ... especially since I've never been to a big quilt festival (or a little quilt festival!) I hope to meet lots of people and will try to communicate this closer to the event!

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