Sunday, September 4, 2011

The sacrament is every disaster and joy

A Sunday that, while still hot, has a touch of actual Fall in the air, has me contemplative.
The surgery is set for Tuesday September 20.
I have two weeks to make as much hay as possible while the sun of full mobility is still shining on me.

Walking down the street today, the correlation was made clear, like the silent swoop of a large bird, the movement drawing my inner eye up.
The surgeries that I had in '97 made sure that the pre-cancerous situation then did not run rampant in my body, like the Texas wildfires that are burning even now...To be safe, alive & whole I gave up parts of my body. And never thought twice about it.
Cancer dance redux, I will also give up part of my body, an offering on the altar of Wholeness.
A larger part, a more obvious part, with more steps to it.
But it is the same dynamic.
It makes me wonder what, in the multidimensional scheme of things, I am designing/ participating in?
I don't know that I will ever have a cognitive answer for that query, and that is fine.

Then later in the evening, I had the image of the surgeons working on me, cauterizing, lifting, cauterizing, lifting tissue. My tissue. My breast.
Inch by mammary inch, lifting, lifting my breast away from my body.
And as they lift, a blinding white-gold light shining forth like the light of a million suns.
At first a beam, then a band of brilliance, then a sheath of radiance, then, as they lift the breast completely off,
the room being filled with a pulsing starshine that no human eye could bear, unshielded.
But they will place the breast on a tray, "Get this to pathology, after labelling..."
They will clean, dab, cauterize again & do the rest of their surgical gifts for me.
Nothing to see here, move along, move along...
But the Light is me.
Is for me.
Is showing me...something that I will live into.
This is the way of it here. Always more than one can ever conceive of is recvealing itself.
And it looks like just another day.


Jean J. said...

Oh, dear Skye - you write so beautifully. Isn't it true ~ how very true, that there is "always more than one can ever conceive" --but it is not just another day. You have such a searing way of telling yourself the *truth* that sometimes it is hard to hear. For a friend who is only moderately comfortable with the medical, the surgical -- your visualizations make me cringe inwardly & make me sad that a day has been set. I almost didn't want to check in with you. I only wish I could help, but don't know what to do. I do know that people take different parts in our life, and have different reasons for being there....I just want you to know that if, at any time, you feel a particular desire for something you think I can offer - I will be there. Anyway, please enjoy this glorious day! I can feel how much the universe loves its magnificent creation ~~ you! (-: xoxo

mrs mediocrity said...

Something that I will live into.

You are moving through this, into this, with such positivity and such life.

Do we ever have the answer to that query? Only at the end I think, when it matters less to us than to those we leave behind.

Right now though, take care of yourself, (I know that you are) and allow yourself to rest if you can. I know that will be hard as you have work to do.

As always, hugs.

d smith kaich jones said...

this made me cry, but not in true sadness, just because things are what they are. because of the saying goodbye to your breast. the one that let you know there was a problem, who said it is time to let me go. my god. my god. you are amazing.